show

before leaving for the show I had that moment of panic. like i knew everything was going ot collapse and it was starting already, only by my will could I hold anything together. i had to hold the doorframe at right angles as i said goodbye to my roommate, i thought she would say somehting about how it sagged and bent, but she just said she would feed my cat, good luck at the show. i ducked underneath and let it drop behind me. I can't control everything after all.

the fear can't possibly own me. if it did I wouldn't be who I am. I would be some crazy cat lady, I would be my sister, my mom, i would be that kinda-homeless lady who sells real change outside madison market. I wouldn't be me though. fear, intimidation, sadness, none of these things should actually affect how I end up livin gmy life.


I didn't realize we were starting to play.

i had just opened my second beer.

i didn't realize everyone's instruments would be so scattered around the room, i had to choose a spot at almost random, i wasn't plugged into any power source, no amplificatuon past my abused, wrinkled lungs.

i chose a spot with room for me and a holding spot for my beer. Jody was a doll and reminded me that I should be near the tape deck.

tape deck?
so others can hear our noise?
so others can hear my plaintative bleatiing and whining?

i play with the full knowledge that I can barely be heard. I started near the back but reveled in my freedom of movement. my beer and i sauntered to the front. just in time for our love supreme cover.

this cover has put me into hyperventilation. how can a crappy saxophonist cover anythign by coltrain? you don't COVER coltraine! you adore and worship coltrain!

luckily my nervousness disapeared after a half a big boy of the jasmine IPA. that's how much it takes to objectively realize that reality is melting while not screaming and crying.

people make my reality melt.

hades doesn't

the show went great s far as I can tell. don't get me wrong, there was a max of 10 people there at one time. but everything went well. the birthday girl seemed to love it. and hey, that's what it was there for.

i just need to drink more.

Coffee Tasting Chart!!

for everyone out there who has no idea what good coffee tastes like, but still wants something 'good' that they 'like' here is the semi-retarded coffee flavor chart!


so to figure out what kind of roast you prefer on your beans you answer questions about the flavors you prefer with regards to other foods you eat.

my favorite being how do you like your marshmallows?
I think the wine one is an interesting question as well. Of course my coffee tastes go all over, sometimes I just want a deep, dark, greasy roast-up like French, and other times a nice Ethiopian Yigacheffe does me up right.

It's pretty ridiculous but I'll bet it cuts down on the annoying customers bugging the baristas on which coffee they should buy.

Craigslist Creeps

i troll through the craigslist ads for housing in cities i daydream of escaping to. I started noticing a trend in the portland housing ads mentioning specifically if they would be accepting applicants with section 8 or not. Is this just Portland? Are they allowed to do that? Is it because they have so many crazies in Portland, or because there are so many fucked up war vets around now? My friend says more vietnam veterans died from killing themselves than in actual combat. I think the next few years are going to get pretty scary around here.

I then switched over to seattle's craigslist where I didn't see any disclaimers about section 8, but I did see a lot of creepy people posting ads. What is up with these people? They don't want roommates, they want fuck buddies, buff pool boys, french maid girls, why are they posting in the housing section?? Maybe their personal ads aren't getting enough attention.

This guy is great

$262 Let’s share One Bed Room
Reply to: hous-555343798@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-28, 11:44PM PST


Hi there,

I have posted this ad last time. However, I am reposting it since I wanted to include more information.

I have recently moved from CA and have been living in a 1BR. Its monthly payment including utilities is $524.00.

I am a man and have never had any drugs or smoking. I have a car and have been using the free parking spot.

If you have a car, there is no more free parking spot left for you. Please no drugs, smoking, or pets. I want you to move by February 1st. I prefer a female roommate.

I am afraid that I don't have a photo and my computer also doesn't have the necessary equipment to attach a picture. We can meet for coffee and I will show you the place.

If you are interested, please let me know your phone number and we will talk about it.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks.

I'm glad he reposted with more information, yet didn't bother to fix up the butchered grammar in the sentences.

This lady manages to be fairly creepy as well:

$300 female looking for male to share house
Reply to: hous-556507205@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-29, 10:56PM PST


i live in bellevue near ne 8st by myself and looking for a male roomate. it will only be me and you, the rent is cheap cause you will be responsible for all gardening and general maint when applicable. i have a furnished room with a nice view of downtown. i have a black lab so you must like dogs. please send me some general info and a pic of you, to make sure you dont look like a creep or something,ciao mikeb.

seriously? maybe she has assault fantasies.

i'm glad to see that the 1$/free rent guy is still posting. The notice changes wording ever so slightly but the spirit of the offer always stays the same:

$1 Belltown penthouse / female preffered
Reply to: hous-561861284@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-03, 3:07PM PST


Very nice penthouse apartment in Belltown, big deck with water and city views, very clean, plasma TV, hot tub on roof, BBQ etc..Near all the fun stuff, clubs cafes, walk to Seattle Center, AI, Queen Anne and the ballparks.

Nice business professional male 42 seeks female roommate 20-30, free utlities. food and rent. Seeking someone who can tease me occassionally and enjoys it..that's all...respectful clean, expect same. no pets please ...room available is a den with a view..small but smartly appointed lovely with windows....write for details

and female preferred? ha. The plasma tv and hot tub do sound tempting, and it has been during times of couchsurfing homelessness, but this is not an actual housing offer. Gross.

Wind

I wrote this in the 7th grade and sent a copy to my grandfather. My grandmother just found it and sent it back to me. The pages were out of order,the last page is missing, but I don't think she noticed. It's a very existential or some shit, story, I don't think they noticed that either.

Carefully picking her way through the rubble of the destroyed housse Jane neared a distraught family already surrounded by other reporters. Jane elbowed her way through tand started scribbling notes on her note pad. The father was speaking at the moment, the mother was staring in shock at the rubble that used to be their house. The two young girls were looking around at the police cars, fire engines and ambulances wailing by.
"We came back from our camping trip just in time to see it," the man was saying. "The tree just swayed and toppled over, we were lucky we weren't in there." Here his gaze flicked tot he left and Jane followed it. Lifeless and twitching bodies were being carried out of the rubble on strechers to ambulances.
Jane stepped back out of the crowd of reporters and sought out the chief of police.
"Does anyone know why the tree fell?" Jane asked, scribbling some notes.
He looked up and sighed. "This is it: It wasn't cut, the roots are right there. The ground was soggy from all the rain we've been getting lately, and the roots weren't very deep. And the wind the wind had been buffeting it, one last shove and it was over," the chief looked up and continued. "Four houses and one room were crushed."
Jane stopped scribbling notes for a moment. "What does 'And one room' mean?"
"Well, look at this," the chief made his way over to the base of the tree where the roots were sticking up in the air. "The tree fell at an angle, crushing everything. But this house," he points to a house that had only one back room crushed by the tree. "By the time the tree got to that house, it only got the den."
"Lucky guy huh?"
The chief shook his head. "He was in there, talking on the phone."
"And this house," Jane motioned to a house where only the front was still standing. "Was that a families house?"
Shakes his head. "Nope, a single guy," he said referring to his notes. "I think he's engaged."
"He wasn't there?"
"He was answering the door, some salesman," the chief looked around. "I'd better get back to work."
Jane looked up from her notes and at her surroundings. Had the tree fallen backwards, Jane noticed, it would've fallen on the garage and the extensive backyard. Forward and it would have gotten the house across the street. Had it fallen the other way... here Jane looked behind her at the orderly row of houses stretching away from the rubble and chaos the fallen tree had created.
Jane shivered and pulled her coat closer around her as a wisp of cold wind passed by. She finished the rest of questioning quickly, then hurried to her motorcycle. She threw her notes into the trunk and hopped on. The wind

yeah, it ends there. pretty heinous huh? I couldn't help myself and fixed a bit of the spelling and grammar, I kept in most of the crap. I just couldn't stand seeing the word 'cheif' misspelled constantly. It's all handwritten on that blue lines notebook paper. Neither my spelling nor my writing talent has improved much in the last 10 odd years. a little depressing actually.

Absurdist, Entertaining, Dumb Comedy

It's an amazingly low budget fantasy, tv show about some british vapid hipsters, two friends with a a love/hate musical relationship who go on magical adventures together, all while being vain and self-centered. As usual the show will be even funnier when stoned. It's called 'The Mighty Boosh' and has no redeeming value whatsoever, except that it's very, very funny.

Do you find the phrase "mother-licker" to be inherently funny?
Are little old ladies hilarious as well?
Do actors playing multiple characters within the same episode, just dressed in various low budget costumes strike you as humorous?
Is the occasional short musical set just what most comedies need?

If you think so too, then I'm sorry to say, you will find The Might Boosh to be very, very, entertaining.

I don't exactly know why, but little old ladies are hilarious, the episode 'Nanageddon' just cracks me up. There's a scene where all these little old ladies are marching along down a street to campy ominous music. The two main characters are dressed up as little old ladies, and are being chased by the crowd of evil little old lady demons. It's wonderful.


the really creepy character of 'Old Greg' is a spectacle that has to be seen to truly understand. To think this clip is funny in any way, you may have to watch it a few times:


it's attached to your rod mutha licka!

image mapping

image mapping is too much fun.

I'm just learning a little bit of html now, but it's tons of fun, fun times. Being back in school surprises me inasmuch as I found myself testing out of math classes and being at the top of my computer class, when all along I thought i didn't 'know' math and that computers were 'too hard' for me. Fuck that shit. check out the image map I made from a sweet little picture of a mushroom

ridiculous and a little dumb, I know, but still, I like it cause I made it.

How To: Fix Ur Speakers

Not really. I don't know how to fix speakers or anything so technical as that. Alls I know is that my speakers were picking up the radio signals of an NPR station. This is a common problem on Capitol Hill where the radio towers are a useful navigational point.

It's not that I don't like NPR, but I don't listen to the radio. I listen to podcasts... from NPR. It's pretty funny when I would be listening to NPR podcasts and be annoyed by the buzzing undercurrent of other NPR commentators muttering in the quiet moments, or speaking over each other. I doubt very many people on Capitol Hill actually listen to the radio either.

It was explained to me that something in my speakers isn't 'grounded', all I could do was buy newer speakers that would be grounded. Me? Buy something? I got these speakers out of the free pile, I don't see any other speakers in the free pile. Another friend mentioned that tinfoil would block the radio waves and shelter the speakers from picking it up. I kept questioning him and he got more unsure. "You've done this? It works? Does it keep the aliens out as well?"

"I think you may have to cover the wires as well, something is picking up the radio waves"

I wasn't sure if he was just messing with me, seeing how much of my room I would cover in tinfoil rather than buy new speakers. I concede that that would be pretty funny. He also just could have answered just to give me an answer. I'm pretty sure that's what he did, he had heard something about tinfoil blocking radio signals, but he had never done it himself.

I would try. I had just bought a large roll of tinfoil at the Cost and Carry, had a few hours free and was ready to procrastinate.

Here are the photos of my finished work:




That shelf is made of two milk crates stacked on top of each other, the bass speaker is inside it. I made a little door using duct tape that opens fairly easily. I went to far as to cover all the wires that connect the speakers to each other, as well the one that connects the speakers to the computer, but I only covered a little bit of the cord which connects the speakers to the power supply.

I can't believe it really works. The voices are gone!! I can listen to my podcasts and my music at any volume, unmolested by ghosts in the air. Every so often they creep in, almost as if leaving the speakers on makes the ghosts louder. But turning the speakers off and back on seems to work.

and yes, it looks ridiculous and protects me from aliens.

Ceiling Cat!

The lol cats have transelated the bible. How adorb. Here's the passage were Naomie is telling Ruth how to seduce Boaz:

1 Laterz, Naomi sez too Ruth "I am has find you a home for foods.2 "Boaz iz relative. Yu has go to the winowin flore.3 "Get clean n' smeel niec. Ware somthin nice. Be liek a ninja til he don eatin chezburgr n drnkin.4 "Watch wer he has lies down 'n lie nexto his feets. He willz known what's about."

awwww, be like ninja, how sexy. Throughout god is referred to as 'Ceiling Cat', the bible would have been 10 times more interesting when I was a kid if god had been referred to as a ceiling cat. They both, after all, like to watch you masturbate apparently.

But they need some pictures, where are the biblical themed pelorians when you need them?

I heart Gadget

I heart my George Foreman®

Too often when I voice my unwavering love for this little grill do receive looks that seem to question my sanity, or worse, my taste. I myself used to think of the George Forman grill as a “as seen on T.V.” useless infomercial kitchen clutter, until one day, I was skooled.

A few years ago I worked in a vegan sandwich shop where I was introduced to an industrial sized George Foreman Grill. I was shocked, not only had I thought of it as some “as seen on T.V.” crap, but I had mistakenly identified it with only being able to grill up meaty hamburgers and other such ilk.

How wrong I was.

At this sandwich shop we would grill chopped up onions and peppers, sliced vegetarian field roast, veggie burgers, toss that stuff on some toasted bread… those were some good goddamn sandwiches. We found it much easier to clean, less messy, and exuded no greasy heat as compared to our industrial panini grill.

The George Foreman grill is a sort of clamshell with both the top and bottom acting as Teflon coated grilling surfaces. The bottom of the grill is slanted so the fat runs off of food, hence the “knock off the fat” tagline. Though Teflon isn’t the sort of chemical you want in your food a plastic spatula and oil catch tray are thoughtfully provided. The top and bottom grills are connected via a floating hinge of sorts that lets you grill big, hulking sandwiches or single burger patties.

In interviews George Foreman talks about growing up in poverty as one of seven children and about how their tenement housing rarely had kitchens or electricity. The popularity of this grill is in part thanks to this huge unvoiced population of low-income people trying to cook and eat healthfully.

Though I do, at this time, have a kitchen, I still end up using my “lean mean grilling machine”. I can’t be bothered to heat up the kitchen, cooking up a storm when it’s just for one or two people. When I want some veggies grilled up for some yaki soba, the ‘Foreman’ takes less time than the 5 minute noodles! Grilling tofu is made idiot-proof and frozen burgers go from solid to crispy and tasty in minutes.

Gourmet, classy and cool it may not be, but indispensable it is.


I heart my George Foreman grill.

How To: Fix Ur Coffe Grinder

   Embarrassingly enough I managed to melt the wire on my 
coffee grinder a while ago. How? You ask.  Well, our kitchen is
pretty small, with only two outlets, and...  ummm, it found its
way into the George Foreman Grill one day.  You know, the cord 
is black, the grill is black, these things are bound to happen 
(and yes, I heart my george foreman grill). 
     
    Finally I found myself with some free time and did the 
obvious. I took a pair of scissors and cut the damaged part of 
the cord off. I then took one side of the word and carefully as
I could I clipped off the black plastic, trying not to sever the
little copper threads as best I could.  I trimmed back the 
pliable plastic on both ends, about an inch on each side.  More 
than I needed to but i figured I'd rather not have to sit down 
and trim more as it was finnicky work and time consuming.  I 
carefully twisted the wires together and wrapped a generous
amount of electric tape around and about the exposed wire.  It's 
a junky job but the freakin thing fucking works again!

    The cord is pretty short now; I figure that means it wont
sneak into that damn grill anymore.  I probably could have 
twisted together less of the wire, it kind of made a knot on 
the cord, but what they hell, it works.

He thinks he's great. That's what he thinks.

It was a really dumb assignment. We had to read this interview which ostensibly covers Bono's views on the future of our world, and write a 3-5 response paper on it while talking about our own ideas on the future. Right.

I could barely find anything of substance at all in that interview. He just talk about 'The War On Terror' and how we have to win it with love and puppies and education. All very good and true stuff, but not very interesting or original or.. anything really. He seems to have perfected that politicians way of speaking where he can just talk and talk and not say anything which can offend anyone or really be talking about anything at all.

this is my attempt at taking the assignment seriously, I unforetunately barely give lip service to Bono in my paper, finding quotes that kind of have to do with my ideas and basically taking them out of context and making the quotes seem more insightful than they actually are.

Last year a clip circulating around the internet from a TV station revealed that information used in the trial of a mob boss was obtained through eavesdropping on him through his cell phone. What caught the attention of newscasters was the fact that the cell phone in question was, at the time of the incident, powered down and in the man’s pocket. Once this information was made public, it created waves as Americans began to come to terms with a rapidly changing concept of ‘Privacy’. Currently, most citizens of the United States would consider conversations taking place within their own homes, their personal taste preferences, and where and how they spend their leisure time to be private matters taking place away from scrutiny. Thanks to the advent and rapid development of new technologies such as cell phones, credit cards, and the internet, these traditional conventions of privacy no longer hold true.

During a recent interview in Rolling Stone Magazine musician and activist Bono compared the rapid morphing of culture and conventions to a 45 record “The grooves were going round and round, like a spiral, and things started to repeat much quicker”. With everything old becoming new again at an ever quickening pace, in conjunction with technological innovations increasing at an exponential rate, it can be difficult to grasp the zeitgeist of patterns within the concept of ‘privacy’ as it grows and morphs. The routines of average citizens are keeping pace with the developments of cell phones, credit, and internet technologies and therefore concepts such as ‘privacy’ are becoming a thing of the past.

It’s taken less than a generation to get the majority of the population to willingly carry a cell phone with them at all times. Laws are already in the works to make it mandatory for cell phones to have GPS pinpointing technology embedded within them. The excuse for this blatant infringement of privacy is for 911 emergency operators to be able to locate cell phone callers. Even before these laws are passed, cell phone companies have had wild success in marketing this as a feature that consumers can add to their cell phones and into their cars voluntarily.

Markets in Asia and Europe already have these technologies in place; cell phones are able to function as ID and credit card, with the ubiquitous GPS systems built in. This technology allows individuals to be constantly under surveillance, their conversations to be recorded, and their movements kept on file.

Though cell phones are looking to replace credit cards physically, the credit card companies have already become pervasive within the financial affairs of every society; indeed they are necessary for almost any business to take place. The re-growth of internet commerce and the potentially unethical union of banks and credit cards have given new life to the amount of information consumers are giving away, and the reach that these companies have into the lives of ordinary individuals. Markets the world over have found themselves embracing the supposed ease and safety nets built into credit card technology. Partially as a result of this widespread acceptance, credit cards have rendered checks, and soon cash, to be obsolete. With so many commercial activities taking place electronically there is little hope for privacy to shield individuals and their purchases from entering the public domain.
Credit Card companies have been collecting, storing, and selling personal information for years; newer to this distasteful market are internet behemoths such as Google and Yahoo. Though both Google and Yahoo have branched out in recent years they began as simple search engines, which are powerful tools for consumers to find information and interact with the myriad of websites on the internet. When consumers use these tools to search for information, any and all of what is entered into the search bar is available to be utilized by the company who owns the search engine and anyone they care to do business with. If people were to go to a library to find information, it is doubtful that the librarian would be following them around with a marketer in tow to note which books are being looked at. Through the use of search engines the once private thoughts and interests of individuals are becoming yet another bankable part of the economy.

In his documentary ‘No Maps for these Territories’, author William Gibson explores the concept of a ‘blended reality’. In this reality there is no distinction between an online persona and a meat space persona. From wherever they are in physical reality, people will constantly be acting within the easily track able world of cyberspace; as Bono puts it “In the near future, distance will no longer decide who your neighbor is”. No longer will there be an expectation of privacy about an individuals’ location, background, thoughts, interests, acquaintances, home, work, income, or marital status. All of this information will simply become part of the public domain.

When Bono states, “everyone who values freedom, progressive thinking, innovation has a stake in America” it’s important to remember that innovation has the potential to impede upon personal freedoms already in place. The freedoms offered by globalization should not be incompatible with personal freedoms that often lead to essential innovations. As humanity enters this overly digital age they leave behind remnants of the old world; in this light the idea of a ‘private life’ is becoming outdated and archaic.

daydreamssss

'... go to jail and be someone's fuck buddy' the voice was obviously embarrassed to be quoting his dead son's problems.
Where is the point of silence? What is the point of silence? that lover walked walked walked through that door and questions don't have to have answers
sorry i am, am i sorry, i am sorry. visions of drowning make my chest tighten. the deep blue, the blue deep, the panic, the stress, the eventual drift, drift, driftiness.
are you scared? are you petrified and terrified, have you tried and tried and tried? unable to sleep or read or think or live or die.
are you tired? do you daydream of death to live through another day?, find speeches of hope fill you with dread?,
i like to be choked while being fucked, i don't say i hope to die this way. honesty, badly timed, ruins great sex any day.
do you too wish to not have to deal with everything, anything, naughts and oughts. is everything boiled down to it's tiring denominators of waking, sleeping, eating dumping, out the door and in another? why wont it stop stop stop.
i can't talk i can't talk. i have many, too many words in my head.
these words lose all meaning as soon as they leave. open my mouth i don't know what comes out. it's not what's inside what's inside? nothing nothing nothing.
i can't talk i can't say goway and leave this place is damned all who enter here..
i thought i do i'm waiting though

like a bottle of pepto bismol vomited

It was when I came back from traveling in Mexico and Cuba that I really noticed how drab and black Seattle was. Before when I would crack jokes about the 'uniform' or the 'black t-shirt brigade' i was just joking, only kidding. Then I saw it. Really, the uniformity, the bland, drabness that allowed everyone to similiarize their look into a lowest common denominator of fashion.
It was hard to tell people apart, people I knew, people I saw all the time, strangers, customers, neighbors, friends, all blurred together. Tight, pinched pale faces drawn into a blank look verging on a scowl. An unfocused gaze, pretending to look outwards but oh so self aware. It's painful to walk down the street next to them.
I really starting appreciating my friends that wore color, my friend my santa cruz ('my mom's from peru' she would explain), another girl from texas (i would say austen, but she developed some sort of texas pride while living in seattle) and another lady from New Orleans.
The bright colors they wore suddenly started standing out more starkly to me as a form of rebellion, not just nonconformity but an active rebellion. Taking back the drab and depressing streets and dressing them up with moving, bobbing, brightly colored beings walking alongside everyone else.
I started taking part as well. Someone gifted me their old coat, they had barely worn it and tired of it already. It was bright blue, neon blue, or as I like to say 'rainbow brite' blue. Over the years I've gone from black hair, to dark purple, and now a bleached out lavendar or pink raggedy-whispy mess.
I march around seattle, as depressed, bitter and angry a I ever have been. But looking like some sort of ray of sunshine. Or something. People comment on the coat constantly. Some get excited. I use it as an excuse to walk out in front of traffic that doesn't stop when I wait at a corner. They have no excuse, I know they saw me.
This blog page may be going over the top. It's an annoyingly in your face color and looks like a bottle pepto bismol threw up all over my browser window.
Yet being annoyed at something so mundane as an ugly color makes me feel better. Not so annoyed at everything else perhaps. who the fuck knows.

arguing with my cat

I would say it happens in the winter, when gather up cabin fever around ourselves like insulation, but really it's whenever i try to put her on a diet. She's pudgy, it's unhealthy, and I buy really expensive cat food. So I'm giving her the proper amount now, which is about a quarter cup, and she whines for more, whenever she can catch my eye. She'll try to two time me with my roommates, hassling them when they leave their rooms, but she's given up on them by now.
Today when she tried yelling at me I started yelling back, I pick her up and hug her and shout "No, I love YOU more!!" with the pitch and tone of the word 'you' matching the whine of her plaintive meow.
I'm sure my flat mates think I've gone over the edge, and I guess they may be right.