Wind

I wrote this in the 7th grade and sent a copy to my grandfather. My grandmother just found it and sent it back to me. The pages were out of order,the last page is missing, but I don't think she noticed. It's a very existential or some shit, story, I don't think they noticed that either.

Carefully picking her way through the rubble of the destroyed housse Jane neared a distraught family already surrounded by other reporters. Jane elbowed her way through tand started scribbling notes on her note pad. The father was speaking at the moment, the mother was staring in shock at the rubble that used to be their house. The two young girls were looking around at the police cars, fire engines and ambulances wailing by.
"We came back from our camping trip just in time to see it," the man was saying. "The tree just swayed and toppled over, we were lucky we weren't in there." Here his gaze flicked tot he left and Jane followed it. Lifeless and twitching bodies were being carried out of the rubble on strechers to ambulances.
Jane stepped back out of the crowd of reporters and sought out the chief of police.
"Does anyone know why the tree fell?" Jane asked, scribbling some notes.
He looked up and sighed. "This is it: It wasn't cut, the roots are right there. The ground was soggy from all the rain we've been getting lately, and the roots weren't very deep. And the wind the wind had been buffeting it, one last shove and it was over," the chief looked up and continued. "Four houses and one room were crushed."
Jane stopped scribbling notes for a moment. "What does 'And one room' mean?"
"Well, look at this," the chief made his way over to the base of the tree where the roots were sticking up in the air. "The tree fell at an angle, crushing everything. But this house," he points to a house that had only one back room crushed by the tree. "By the time the tree got to that house, it only got the den."
"Lucky guy huh?"
The chief shook his head. "He was in there, talking on the phone."
"And this house," Jane motioned to a house where only the front was still standing. "Was that a families house?"
Shakes his head. "Nope, a single guy," he said referring to his notes. "I think he's engaged."
"He wasn't there?"
"He was answering the door, some salesman," the chief looked around. "I'd better get back to work."
Jane looked up from her notes and at her surroundings. Had the tree fallen backwards, Jane noticed, it would've fallen on the garage and the extensive backyard. Forward and it would have gotten the house across the street. Had it fallen the other way... here Jane looked behind her at the orderly row of houses stretching away from the rubble and chaos the fallen tree had created.
Jane shivered and pulled her coat closer around her as a wisp of cold wind passed by. She finished the rest of questioning quickly, then hurried to her motorcycle. She threw her notes into the trunk and hopped on. The wind

yeah, it ends there. pretty heinous huh? I couldn't help myself and fixed a bit of the spelling and grammar, I kept in most of the crap. I just couldn't stand seeing the word 'cheif' misspelled constantly. It's all handwritten on that blue lines notebook paper. Neither my spelling nor my writing talent has improved much in the last 10 odd years. a little depressing actually.

Absurdist, Entertaining, Dumb Comedy

It's an amazingly low budget fantasy, tv show about some british vapid hipsters, two friends with a a love/hate musical relationship who go on magical adventures together, all while being vain and self-centered. As usual the show will be even funnier when stoned. It's called 'The Mighty Boosh' and has no redeeming value whatsoever, except that it's very, very funny.

Do you find the phrase "mother-licker" to be inherently funny?
Are little old ladies hilarious as well?
Do actors playing multiple characters within the same episode, just dressed in various low budget costumes strike you as humorous?
Is the occasional short musical set just what most comedies need?

If you think so too, then I'm sorry to say, you will find The Might Boosh to be very, very, entertaining.

I don't exactly know why, but little old ladies are hilarious, the episode 'Nanageddon' just cracks me up. There's a scene where all these little old ladies are marching along down a street to campy ominous music. The two main characters are dressed up as little old ladies, and are being chased by the crowd of evil little old lady demons. It's wonderful.


the really creepy character of 'Old Greg' is a spectacle that has to be seen to truly understand. To think this clip is funny in any way, you may have to watch it a few times:


it's attached to your rod mutha licka!

image mapping

image mapping is too much fun.

I'm just learning a little bit of html now, but it's tons of fun, fun times. Being back in school surprises me inasmuch as I found myself testing out of math classes and being at the top of my computer class, when all along I thought i didn't 'know' math and that computers were 'too hard' for me. Fuck that shit. check out the image map I made from a sweet little picture of a mushroom

ridiculous and a little dumb, I know, but still, I like it cause I made it.

How To: Fix Ur Speakers

Not really. I don't know how to fix speakers or anything so technical as that. Alls I know is that my speakers were picking up the radio signals of an NPR station. This is a common problem on Capitol Hill where the radio towers are a useful navigational point.

It's not that I don't like NPR, but I don't listen to the radio. I listen to podcasts... from NPR. It's pretty funny when I would be listening to NPR podcasts and be annoyed by the buzzing undercurrent of other NPR commentators muttering in the quiet moments, or speaking over each other. I doubt very many people on Capitol Hill actually listen to the radio either.

It was explained to me that something in my speakers isn't 'grounded', all I could do was buy newer speakers that would be grounded. Me? Buy something? I got these speakers out of the free pile, I don't see any other speakers in the free pile. Another friend mentioned that tinfoil would block the radio waves and shelter the speakers from picking it up. I kept questioning him and he got more unsure. "You've done this? It works? Does it keep the aliens out as well?"

"I think you may have to cover the wires as well, something is picking up the radio waves"

I wasn't sure if he was just messing with me, seeing how much of my room I would cover in tinfoil rather than buy new speakers. I concede that that would be pretty funny. He also just could have answered just to give me an answer. I'm pretty sure that's what he did, he had heard something about tinfoil blocking radio signals, but he had never done it himself.

I would try. I had just bought a large roll of tinfoil at the Cost and Carry, had a few hours free and was ready to procrastinate.

Here are the photos of my finished work:




That shelf is made of two milk crates stacked on top of each other, the bass speaker is inside it. I made a little door using duct tape that opens fairly easily. I went to far as to cover all the wires that connect the speakers to each other, as well the one that connects the speakers to the computer, but I only covered a little bit of the cord which connects the speakers to the power supply.

I can't believe it really works. The voices are gone!! I can listen to my podcasts and my music at any volume, unmolested by ghosts in the air. Every so often they creep in, almost as if leaving the speakers on makes the ghosts louder. But turning the speakers off and back on seems to work.

and yes, it looks ridiculous and protects me from aliens.

Ceiling Cat!

The lol cats have transelated the bible. How adorb. Here's the passage were Naomie is telling Ruth how to seduce Boaz:

1 Laterz, Naomi sez too Ruth "I am has find you a home for foods.2 "Boaz iz relative. Yu has go to the winowin flore.3 "Get clean n' smeel niec. Ware somthin nice. Be liek a ninja til he don eatin chezburgr n drnkin.4 "Watch wer he has lies down 'n lie nexto his feets. He willz known what's about."

awwww, be like ninja, how sexy. Throughout god is referred to as 'Ceiling Cat', the bible would have been 10 times more interesting when I was a kid if god had been referred to as a ceiling cat. They both, after all, like to watch you masturbate apparently.

But they need some pictures, where are the biblical themed pelorians when you need them?

I heart Gadget

I heart my George Foreman®

Too often when I voice my unwavering love for this little grill do receive looks that seem to question my sanity, or worse, my taste. I myself used to think of the George Forman grill as a “as seen on T.V.” useless infomercial kitchen clutter, until one day, I was skooled.

A few years ago I worked in a vegan sandwich shop where I was introduced to an industrial sized George Foreman Grill. I was shocked, not only had I thought of it as some “as seen on T.V.” crap, but I had mistakenly identified it with only being able to grill up meaty hamburgers and other such ilk.

How wrong I was.

At this sandwich shop we would grill chopped up onions and peppers, sliced vegetarian field roast, veggie burgers, toss that stuff on some toasted bread… those were some good goddamn sandwiches. We found it much easier to clean, less messy, and exuded no greasy heat as compared to our industrial panini grill.

The George Foreman grill is a sort of clamshell with both the top and bottom acting as Teflon coated grilling surfaces. The bottom of the grill is slanted so the fat runs off of food, hence the “knock off the fat” tagline. Though Teflon isn’t the sort of chemical you want in your food a plastic spatula and oil catch tray are thoughtfully provided. The top and bottom grills are connected via a floating hinge of sorts that lets you grill big, hulking sandwiches or single burger patties.

In interviews George Foreman talks about growing up in poverty as one of seven children and about how their tenement housing rarely had kitchens or electricity. The popularity of this grill is in part thanks to this huge unvoiced population of low-income people trying to cook and eat healthfully.

Though I do, at this time, have a kitchen, I still end up using my “lean mean grilling machine”. I can’t be bothered to heat up the kitchen, cooking up a storm when it’s just for one or two people. When I want some veggies grilled up for some yaki soba, the ‘Foreman’ takes less time than the 5 minute noodles! Grilling tofu is made idiot-proof and frozen burgers go from solid to crispy and tasty in minutes.

Gourmet, classy and cool it may not be, but indispensable it is.


I heart my George Foreman grill.

How To: Fix Ur Coffe Grinder

   Embarrassingly enough I managed to melt the wire on my 
coffee grinder a while ago. How? You ask.  Well, our kitchen is
pretty small, with only two outlets, and...  ummm, it found its
way into the George Foreman Grill one day.  You know, the cord 
is black, the grill is black, these things are bound to happen 
(and yes, I heart my george foreman grill). 
     
    Finally I found myself with some free time and did the 
obvious. I took a pair of scissors and cut the damaged part of 
the cord off. I then took one side of the word and carefully as
I could I clipped off the black plastic, trying not to sever the
little copper threads as best I could.  I trimmed back the 
pliable plastic on both ends, about an inch on each side.  More 
than I needed to but i figured I'd rather not have to sit down 
and trim more as it was finnicky work and time consuming.  I 
carefully twisted the wires together and wrapped a generous
amount of electric tape around and about the exposed wire.  It's 
a junky job but the freakin thing fucking works again!

    The cord is pretty short now; I figure that means it wont
sneak into that damn grill anymore.  I probably could have 
twisted together less of the wire, it kind of made a knot on 
the cord, but what they hell, it works.